The Foodist Chronicles - I Will Survive

When I was fifteen years old, I saw a news report I would never forget.  The year was 1995 and the Bosnian War had been going on for three years.  Up to that point, the war was something occurring another world away, a conflict I didn’t understand being fought by nations I’d never heard of.  Then NATO got involved, and on June 2, 1995 an American fighter pilot named Scott O’Grady was shot down.  After hiding in the woods for six days, narrowly avoiding capture by Bosnian-Serb forces, he was rescued by U.S. Marines.  After returning to safety, a press conference was held and O’Grady explained how he survived the ordeal.  When asked what he ate in the Bosnian wilderness for food, his response has stayed with me for 20 years- bugs.

     The notion that bugs could be consumed for survival officially blew my mind.  My mom had to further explain their high protein and nutritional value because my teenage brain couldn’t wrap itself around this idea.  In my mind, the only purpose an insect served this world was to be squashed by adolescent assholes like me.  Thankfully, my maturity and worldview have grown and evolved since then.  Okay, maybe not entirely because if you’re an insect trying to set up residence in my house I’m going to spray, squash, and swat you until I’m convinced you’re no longer alive.  But in cases of survival, I’m no longer freaked out by the idea of consuming bugs to live another day.

     Since starting The Foodist Chronicles, I’ve made an agreement with myself to dine and write about foods I wouldn’t ordinarily order.  I’m not going to go to a place with the intention of writing about it, only to play it safe and order a burger, then share all the juicy details.  You don’t need me for that because you can get a burger absolutely anywhere in this town.  So when my family sat down at Guelaguetza my eyes immediately began scanning the menu for something different.

Mole.

     Guelaguetza is an Oaxacan restaurant located in Koreatown on Olympic Blvd. Spacious, family-owned, and extremely hospitable, they are well renowned for producing authentic Oaxacan cuisine, and have one of the most extensive tequila and mezcal lists I’ve ever seen.  The first thing to hit the table was complimentary tortilla chips topped with their first class mole.  Truly exceptional, I couldn’t stop eating them while my survey of the menu for that “different” dish continued.  And then it happened, an appetizer dish just waiting to be ordered, if only I had the courage to go through with it- Chapulines a la Mexicana: fried grasshoppers sautéed with jalapenos, onions and tomatoes, served with Oaxacan string cheese and avocado.  Twenty years after being shocked at what Scott O’Grady had to eat to survive, I was going to eat grasshoppers just for the sport of it.  

Those sexy grasshoppers!

     For me, grasshoppers can stay in the grass.  There’s no pretending they’re something else, these are definitely insects being ingested.  After the initial crunch, a brininess covers the palate.  The flavor profile isn’t bad, I just couldn’t get passed grasshopper legs and antennae getting stuck in my teeth.  I tried masking the next bites by wrapping them in a tortilla and adding the avocado and string cheese, which provided only the slightest improvement.  Nope, it’s confirmed: grasshoppers are not for me.  Thankfully, the mezcal sampler we ordered was there to help wash it all down.  When my entrée hit the table I couldn’t have been happier.  Costilla de Puerco Enchilada:  chile-marinated grilled pork ribs, served with rice, black beans, and green salad.  This dish was truly outstanding and was devoured in minutes.

Mezcal sampler, thank god!

     I definitely recommend Guelaguetza to anyone looking for an authentic dining experience.  The entire staff was extremely friendly and knowledgeable, and the space itself is quite large with plenty of seating available.  They also sell their famous mole and other merchandise up front.  And while I’ve learned consuming grasshoppers isn’t for me, it’s nice knowing that I could survive off of them if I’m ever stranded in the wild.  For now, I’ll stick to city living.

Chile marinated pork ribs, so good!

Restaurante Guelaguetza

3014 W. Olympic Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90006

(213) 427-0608

www.ilovemole.com

Follow Joe on Twitter @JoeFoodist  

Homecoming

Why do any of us leave home?  Obviously, there’s not one answer.  All of us who have said goodbye to our family and friends, leaving behind the place we grew up, did so for our own reasons.  Some leave with a smile, happy to be no longer tethered to a faulty foundation that was home.  For others, leaving means opportunity, but not without paying a huge emotional toll.  When you leave home to conquer the world, you realize there are certain things you’re going to miss- mom’s hugs, catch with dad, a pet left behind, close friends.  But as time goes by, you begin to crave certain aspects of home you had no idea you were ever going to miss.  For me, the one thing I didn’t consider when I packed up the car and headed west was how much I was going to miss the food I grew up on.  Specifically, Utz potato chips and the Maryland blue crab. 

It’s been ten years since I left Maryland, and every time I go back home I get a few bags of Utz BBQ potato chips. They just taste like my childhood in a way Lays BBQ never will.  However, these visits have also been during the holidays when crabs are out of season.  So several months ago, when my wife and I decided spend our daughter’s 2nd birthday on Aug. 2 with my parents back in MD, I knew immediately that we had to spend one day on the Chesapeake Bay’s eastern shore and dig into my home state’s greatest culinary tradition.  And for our family, the best place to do just that is the Crab Claw in St. Michaels, MD.  But first, we got to get there.

The Crab Claw Restaurant

Very few people I know can take the red eye from L.A. to the east coast and get any significant sleep.  I was able to once, before I was a married or a parent, and only because the fudge (very special fudge) I ingested before going through security had kicked in and zonked me out.  That was a good flight.  This time, however, I’m with a little girl who is about to turn two and doesn’t understand what in the name of Minnie Mouse is going on.  Just a few minutes ago she was playing ball with two other toddlers in a big room, with lots of people, chairs, and bags all around.  Now she’s in this very narrow space, in a chair that’s definitely not her car seat, with mommy and daddy leaning over her going “Ssshhh, ssshhhh.”  She ends up sleeping two out of the five hours we’re in the air.  I get about an hour, and my amazing wife who has been holding our girl almost the whole time dozes off for a mere 20 minutes.  We get off the plane and get picked up by my mom and dad.  Karina and I are moody and exhausted, but Ava is happy to see grandma and grandpa. 

We spend the first day resting and relaxing, eating Utz BBQ and drinking Yuengling (also not available on the west coast).  The next day we make the drive to the Chesapeake and spend the night at our family friends’ shore house.  I eat some more Utz and drink some more Yuengling.  Morning comes and the day I’ve been waiting years for has finally arrived- the day I once again have crabs!  We load into the car and head over to St. Michaels. 

Known as “the town that fooled the British,” St. Michaels is a place steeped in history, original architecture, and, of course, crabs.  Frederick Douglass grew up a slave on nearby Mount Misery farm.  During the War of 1812, as the British Navy sailed up the Bay, the town used a little trickery to survive a pre-dawn attack.  The citizens kept their buildings dark while hanging lanterns in the tree line behind them.  The British aimed its canons at the trees, over-shooting their intended targets, and the town was spared, hence the nickname.

The view from our table.

My dad parks the car in a nearby parking lot and we walk over to the Crab Claw Restaurant.  Family owned and operated since 1965, this place does crabs the right way- steamed, doused in Old Bay seasoning, some malt vinegar and melted butter on the side.  Resting on the water’s edge, we find a table we like and get set-up with mallets, silverware, brown paper covering the table, and a roll of paper towels.  Our server Sydney comes over and the order goes in: a dozen crabs, a pitcher of beer, one basket of fried clams to snack on, and chicken strips for Ava.  We drink our beer, admire the view, and thank mother nature for sparing us the usual humidity.  After a few minutes, Sydney comes walking over with crabs on a tray, steam still rising off the shells.  With my parents sitting across from me, Karina to my right, and Ava in her highchair at the end, I can’t help but think that life doesn’t get any better than this.  I grab my mallet and with a smile start cracking, it feels so good to be home.

The main event.

The Crab Claw Restaurant

304 Burns St.

St. Michaels, MD 21663

(410) 745-2900

www.thecrabclaw.com

Follow Joe on Twitter @JoeFoodist